okay. so jen's top 10 makes mine look like birdcage liner, but it's nice to know i can inspire people that way. whatever.

I FINALLY GOT MY SHEET MUSIC!!! rock on! i've been playing all day yesterday, all this morning, and probably all night when i get home from work later. my parents' ears must be bleeding already with the raucous i'm making on the piano and my brother's renditions of every STP song he can play on the guitar. "too much noise!" hahahaaha! noise is good. unfortunately, my wrists hurt and my fingers feel stretched out since i haven't touched the piano in such a long time. i'm so not relaxed and there's so much tension in my arms. you know what'll fix that? sex. (currently taking applications. those who do not qualify need not apply.)

i wanna get a mac. aren't you proud of me sean? it just seems easier to work with in terms of video editing and protools. and they're so cute! alas, i don't have the scrills to buy one. (alas? wtf is wrong with me?)

i think it's time for a TOP 10 LIST!!!

TOP 10 PET PEEVES:
10. "LOL" don't use it unless you really are laughing out loud.
9. gansta rap
8. when the door says "push", don't PULL it. stupids.
7. "i'll call you back" my ass! if you need to get off the phone, just say "i'll talk to you later" instead of leaving the other person with the impression that you'll call them back and continue the conversation.
6. the fact that my parents use the doorbell as the keys to get in the front door. it doesn't matter if i'm sleeping, taking a crap, showering, whatever... if that bell rings, i gotta get my ass over there to open it.
5. spending 2 hours cleaning my car and finding cat paw prints on it the next day from the early morning dew.
4. trying to surf the web with a connection being slowed down because my brother is downloading on morpheus.
3. the asians at Q's.
2. people who lack self-confidence. if you think you're ugly, you probably are.
1. mariah carey.

today must have been the official "hooch day" at school, and if i may gladly add i partook in the event. okay, so it wasn't really official. i made it up in my head only because i rarely dress hoochie to school, but it was so damn hot! to my surprise i wasn't the only one looking like i was ready to go clubbing. i had my hoochie shorts, tank top, and wedged shoes on, and to my surprise all the other girls in my class (who usually dress conservatively) were all in short-ass skirts, shorts, tube tops, or anything else that showed cleavage.

"cool."

we're all sluts. i was pretty amused though. what made us all dress like that?... all on the same day even! isn't summer over? though seasons don't really matter for some people who like to dress like they're ready to get banged any time of day, all year long.

MY BROTHER MAKES THE BEST BAR-B-QUE!!! well, okay, sometimes. but he's tackling bbq chicken right now and i swear it melted in my mouth! mmmm!!! watch out, emeril legasi (or whatever the hell "BAM"'s name is). bam this, you weirdo with your own new sitcom. what the hell is up with that?

anyway, sandy, i hope you're doing okay. makes me wanna go to the gyno even more now. but i agree, hopefully your stomach will suck it up and acidify that shit. i'll be thinking of you...

awwwwww, yeahhhhhhh!!!! this is the jam! "open your eyes" by bobby caldwell. i wish i knew how to get this song to ya'll. this is pretty much my life-long theme song. dang, my brother knows all the dope songs with cool lyrics (dope? cool? eww. i need a new vocabulary).

i just got an email from kenny and his album's finally coming out october 9!!! woohoo! you can check out some of his new songs on his website. so far my favorites are "don't deserve" and "who". dang, he's so smooth. he's definitely gonna get play at my wedding.

you know what gil? those aren't bug bites on your legs. they're really colonies of bacteria trying to take over your unshowered skin. next time, try using soap. rock on, pocho! i wub woo!

after class i spent the rest of the afternoon with my lolo. it's funny, b/c when i got there, i couldn't find him! he was in another hallway hiding behind the clean laundry rack by the emergency exit door.

me: lolo, why are you hiding?
lolo: oh! were you looking for me?
me: huh... YEAH! what are you doing here?
lolo: oh... i was trying to make myself sleepy.
me: by chillin in the corner? you should go lay on your bed.
lolo: but then i'll fall asleep.
me: hahahahaha!

so after a few minutes i convinced him to go back to his room where we could talk, but i ended spending the rest of my time there trying to figure out how to work the damn VCR my cousins gave him. those dorks didn't even explain to him how it works. the first thing i do is hit the menu key and i find that everything is in spanish! grrerahhahhrha! it's a good thing i recognized the word "idioma" or else i would have spent over an hour trying to figure out how to get it back to english. so now my lolo's on this recording spree asking that i bring him more blank tapes so he can play with his new toy.

WHERE'S MY FRICKIN SHEET MUSIC??!!!!!!!

meanwhile (back at the ranch), my sheet music hasn't come in yet! dammit! it's been 2 weeks when it was supposed to take 4-6 business days. well, i guess that's right considering most people don't conduct much business anyway (i.e. bonsai.. hahahah). so if you add up the REAL work days, 4-6 business days would mean my sheet music should arrive next week.

i don't think i've ever seen my classmates so bored... until today. i was looking around (because i was bored too) and to my right was this chick drawing an eyeball on her left palm, behind her was my homie gabriel throwing eraser chunks at me (he's 30, mind you), to his right was ... (oh.. what the heck is her name???).. anyway, her eyes were half-shut, half-open and the top part of her body was losing balance, and behind me was jed who was playing with my hair and kept commenting that i smelled good. okei! yeah.

i bumped into jaime from my summer school class and he was trying to convince me to join SMPTE (Society of Motion Picture and Television Engineers). i dunno. i figure it won't hurt me, but it's mainly for video operations with just a touch of audio. we'll see.

i seriously gotta get rid of this fluffy-ness. i think i'll go jogging when the sun goes down and spend the rest of the evening at barnes & noble. nerd is i.

"see ya, pals!" (chandler's roomie replacement. get it? no? okay. bye.)

i just had the most uplifting conversation with mykee. funny how i talk to him more now that he's up north than when he was living down here. they say distance makes the heart grow fonder and i totally agree. months can pass without conversation and it's like we pick up from where we left off. pretty dope. he might come down november... maybe i'll see him then or i can just accidentally bump into him at disneyland again. booger! "yeah, i'm here by the jolly trolly!" my ass! whatever. next time let me know BEFOREHAND when you're coming down so we can go grab some boba or something.

my belly feels like jelly. ack! i OD'd on boba.

being around the irvine campus today got me all nostalgic. then again it didn't. i miss the college lifestyle, but i hate the community and the culture it lacks. for that reason alone, i will never leave the LA area... unless i move out to the WEESSSSSSOOIIIDDE!!!!!! why does that word sound so funny to me? (because i'm easily amused)

i will NEVER get into "think" mode again before i sleep. it creeps into my dreams!!! all the things that i worry about screw me over in my dreams one way or another. this past week i've been so emotionally stressed that i wake up crying. wtf? my dreams are messing with my mind.

weird... one of my dreams was about neglecting some of my friends... sean being one of them. i miss him. i haven't made the effort to even call and see how he's doing. what a sucky friend i am.

i can't even begin to describe how i was feeling when listening to my brother on my voicemail tell me that our dad was in the ER because he was on the verge of having a heart attack. the world stopped, all sound around me was muted, and for the first time i began to hate life.

guilt... for being out late with my friends when my mom was trying to get a hold of us to take them to the hospital.
helpless... for knowing there wasn't anything i could physically do to help my dad.
weak... for crying and breaking down in front of my friends.
anger... for God letting my dad experience so much pain.

on the way to the hospital i silently sat there doing nothing but thinking of my dad. HE'S THE GREATEST FATHER IN THE WORLD. he's raised me with extremely important values such as humbleness, humility, drive & dedication, open-mindedness, responsibility, faith, self-confidence, and most importantly, love & respect for myself and others. he's the greatest example of how life should be lived.

all i could do was cry. cry because i felt so lucky to have a father like him. cry because he didn't deserve to feel physical pain. cry because i was scared that i may have to face the rest of my life without him. i hate this. i hate crying especially in front of others. for someone who thought she could handle anything that was thrown at her, i felt fear creeping into my blood taking over every ounce of courage that was left.

please keep my father in your prayers. for someone who is usually unlucky when it comes to love, career, and opportunities, i feel like the luckiest daughter in the world.

i made a mess. i decided to dye my hair a darker color b/c my brother says i look "like a typical asian girl. keep it DARK. always. keep it as close to your natural color as possible." uh, sure, boyet. following the advice of my oh-so-knowledgable sibling, i drove off to sav-on (unshowered, mind you), bought a color i thought would look good (supposed to be dark burgundy brown), and went home to start the process.

i had forgotten how difficult it was to dye long hair. my used-to-be white t-shirt looked like someone grabbed a machete and slashed the back of my neck. the dye was dripping everywhere, on the floor, on the bathroom sink... eahlk! after about 1/2 an hour, it was time to rinse and shower (finally). i splashed what looked like fresh blood all over the OUTSIDE of the tub. the water flowing between my toes looked like the never-ending rag cycle. i thought i did a good job of rinsing it all out, but NOOO.....my towel was tainted with grape juice galore, my bath robe looked like my head was chopped off, and my scalp was PURPLE!

what the heck?! i thought the box said "dark burgundy brown"? stupid me (stupid ho) didn't realize that since my hair was already light as it was, the burgundy would be extremely bright. screw me in the goat ass... bah-ah-ah!

i'm so tempted to see voxx again, but i guess this will have to do for now.

i have no motivation, no creativity flowing in my brain, and i'm fluffy =(

tomorrow will be different.

my babies know my voice!! so what if i call my cats my babies. my brother was out in the driveway washing his car when he noticed the cats came jumping out of the bushes when they heard me singing in the garage. shuttup. so what if i sing when i do laundry. how cute is that though? they came running to the front door to greet me! makes me just wanna squeeze their tiny asses and eat them.

if my sister gets this BCBG job, i'm moving out! woohoo! not until may though. man... that means we have to move all my sister's crap outta the apartment for the 4th time!!! maybe i should just stay home. OH HELL NO! whatever. i'm counting my chickens before they hatch (or cracking the egg before the balot forms). okay, bad analogy.

heh.. heh.. heh... i just found out the queen of whoreness might be down for my brother's 21st bday vegas trip! aww man!!! it's so over. the sabino and the magat cartel in vegas at the same time!!! watch out! we gotta get sherwin, bonsai, and my cousins out there too.

i'm soooooooo lacking energy. got 3 hours of sleep, went to work at 7, ate brunch and checked email (fell asleep in front of the computer), went to class (eyes shutting intermittently), ran errands for mi mama (driving with my eyes closed), washed my car inside and out for 2 hours, played with the cats, played with the dog, chilled on my bed, fell asleep for an hour, screwed up my sleeping pattern again so now i'm wide awake. arghahahrhghaghah!!!! not to mention, my allergies are acting up plus i feel like i wanna spit... on someone. hehehehe.

this hurts me.

ugh! frickin insomnia. why do i find joy in depriving myself of sleep and then shooting up my system with an iced cappuccino boba to get my adrenaline pumping? something's wrong here. i tried to sleep a while ago, but i'm so wired. crap. not to mention i have work at 7 in the morning.

i kinda had this feeling cameron liked me. why? i think it all started last week when i offered him some of my chips during our class break. ever since then he's been ridiculously smiling at me and makes it a point to talk to me before class is over. but today was kinda icky. i was walking out the building and he was following me pinching the side of my neck.

me: what are you doing?
cameron: you're not ticklish?
me: not there.
cameron: are you gonna tell me where then?
me: no.
cameron: is that something only you would know and for me to find out?
me: exactly.
cameron: so when are you gonna let me find out?
me: never.
cameron: why not?
me: cuz i can be a bitch like that. see ya wednesday!

first of all, he's one interesting student... AND HELLA YOUNG. second, he always wears that condom looking cap on his head, which "reminds me" of the one usher frequently sports. come to think of it, i've never seen that black scalp of his... ever. eh, screw it. i think i'll just flirt with him for the rest of the semester.

ooh! i hooked up my pharmacist from rite aid today at banana. i saved her $126 with my discount! she and her boyfriend are the sweetest! in gratitude, they gave me gift certificates to the cheesecake factory and offered to hook me up whenever i needed some medicine or whatnot from rite aid. it really does pay off being nice to people. CHEESECAKE ANYONE???

i hate getting myself into the same monotonous rut i always get myself into. i desperately need change in my life. change that will selfishly benefit me. i mean, when was the last time i actually put my wants in front of others? i can honestly say i'm happy and content with my life, but i want to be happier. i'm tired of being the nice person in every situation i get myself into that i finally think it's time i be a bitch. seriously. i'm fed up with it.

just chilled last night at home after bonsai and i ate at garden. i kinda had a feeling my brother would be sleeping on the couch again so i walked over to see if he was there. after seeing him passed out on the couch, i walked back to my room and heard some mumbling...

"was that you?" i asked bonsai, but he said no. i figured my brother must have been talking in his sleep again.

about 1/2 an hour ago, my brother walked into the room and asked me if i had heard what he mumbled last night. turns out he was telling me, "don't fuck."

I joke. I love your snatch. er. I love you, snatch.

-sean

it's emails like this that make me feel so damn special.

B O N S A I !!!

ahhhhh.... no more stress this week, though my stress probably doesn't even compare to others. got my quiz over with on monday, finished my assignments for wednesday, and i finally got my oral report over with today! woohoo! i've been dreading today since the first day of class. it's funny b/c when i approached the podium to speak i already got this feeling the class didn't want to hear another daily report. muak muak muah........ so i start talking about the whole history of the development of audio recording and i could literally count the number of eyes fixated upon me and sad to say, 12 is not the whole class.

"oh no. they're falling asleep!"

fuck it. i refused to look at my notes one more time and i just started talking with my arms flailing all over trying to recall all that i had researched the night before (yes, i'm a procrastinator).

"REVIVAL!"

i was saved. at this point i got the whole class's attention and was completely comfortable just talking and trying to lead a discussion on the survival of music recording engineering and the various similarly related fields that implement the editing skills of audio recording, such as film, video games, computer software, and the like (damn, i just sounded like a nerd there). ewww. so after speaking for a good 10 minutes, there was that one second of silence... and then applause! *sigh* they liked me! they really, really liked me! my teacher and my classmates gave me good positive feedback and I WAS DONE! ugh! I HATE ORAL REPORTS.

GOOD NEWS!!! noilyn and tony are fine! whew! i just got off the phone with her and she was tellling me her account of what had happened. she works near the empire state building which isn't too far from the world trade center. she heard the second plane crash and was forced to evacuate immediately. unfortunately the subway system was shut down so she had to walk 50 blocks (!) and take a bus to get home. as long as she's safe...

ahh yes, boba bonding is the best.

it was such a disturbing morning getting a phone call from quibuyen that the US is under terrorist attack. i've been sitting here in front of the tv and computer trying to get all the latest information as to what the hell happened. our phone's been ringing off the hook, i've been trying to get a hold of my dad, thoughts of disbelief are running through my mind, and to top that off - school will still be in session later. fuck that. i'm not going. if LA gets attacked too, i'd rather die at home than at school.

i can't even imagine what everyone in NY is experiencing right now. though i'm completely on the other side of the country, i'm feeling so emotionally disturbed. tears were flowing from my eyes as i saw one of the towers collapse on tv... seeing the people standing around and silently, motionlessly watching the building shatter into a cloud of ash. i swear, my stomach dropped to the ground... my body's quivering uncontrollably. all those people who've just died...

meanwhile, palestinians are rejoicing, celebrating, and throwing candy on the streets (because of their hatred of the US for siding with Israel) chanting "God is good." wtf??? what is this world coming to? heartless humans...

it's simply amazing how much my brother has grown. we stayed up til 4:30 this morning talking about the things that are on his mind... some important, some not. instead of me giving him advice and helping him think through his issues, i found HIM giving ME advice on MY life and i was completely shocked at how much he's learned at such a young age. i mean, he's turning 21 next month, but his thinking surpasses mine when i was his age. man, my brother rocks. whoever would have thought the day would come when my younger, voltron-playing brother would teach me a valuable life lesson.

i swear i have nipple issues. last night i was forced to borrow my sister's clothes since i came straight from work and decided last minute to join her and sue at khoury's. i ended up wearing this red halter but the material was so thin that you could see the stitching lines of my bra. so sue dares me to go without one. uh.... okay. i was feeling a little self conscious b/c i had never done that before, so i tried taping my nipples down! that didn't work. in fact, it looked gross because you could see the outline of a square patch of hospital tape where a little raisin is supposed to pop out. screw it! how bad could it be.

so i forgot to take into consideration the weather over in long beach. imagine the crisp, cold air. fairly humid. a bit chilly. as i'm walking to the front door i happen to look down at my chest and HELLO! it was resembling that chick from the movie king pin when she returns from the fridge with a couple of drinks. help. sue's laughing her ass off, not b/c it was funny, but b/c she was drunk. so i go inside and we bump into randy, my sister's friend. "hey. my face is up here, you perv."

where the hell is the sheet music i ordered online? i should go to sleep now, huh?

who the fuck did a google search of my name? damn, that's freaky. now i know how sandy feels.

what the hell am i doing up past 3 in the morning? for one, i just got home. checked out khoury's in long beach for the uci/csuf alumni thingamajig. got to see a bunch of kaba peeps again. i had so much fun, but probably not as much fun as sue who got picked up on like crazy or my sister who was freaking viana up against the wooden post. whoa! calm down, girl. ahahaahah! that was too funny.

y'know, as much as i luv dancing, i'm kinda getting tired of it. i guess it's because certain songs just set me off and make me go crazy that i realized i practically dance to the same ole music all the frickin time. man, i need some change in my life. yes indeed i do.

fuck this stupid paper cut! i did nothing but go-backs at work today for about 5 consecutive hours that i must have cut myself on some tag. funny how i can take the pain of my calf being slashed tearing my muscle and yet an itty bitty paper cut makes me wanna die.

i really have to stop or at least control my cussing. FUCK YOU! ok, so maybe tomorrow. my monkey bubble's getting bigger.

what the heck have i been doing with my life? dex is going to street scene, gilbert's been doing the running man (hahahah), sean's been... blazing (btw, did you see jimmy eat world on letterman last night?), sandy's been giving wacked ass advice to younger girls and corrupting their minds, quinn's been... quinn, steve's been feeling "little"....

and what am I doing? uh... absolutely nothing. i have the option of going to a show tonight for free since i'm on the guest list, but when i found out it was 18 and over, i was like, "uh.. maybe not." my sister came over so we're gonna waste our life away tonight. maybe clean my room and get some boba later. nice way to spend a friday evening, no?

hopefully i won't have to work my on call shift tomorrow night so i can finally hang out with kyon since i promised we would for the time that he's down. then we can call kristine and tell her all the fun we're having without her! ahahahahah!

i just got off the phone with ry and we had one of those life altering conversations. it's amazing how despite everything we've been through together, we can still have conversations like that (though i can probably count them on one hand). he really needed to talk. seems everyone has issues of some sort. why we go through this crap is a mystery to me, but hey, life is a learning process. if you're not learning anything, you'd might as well be dead.

ahh yes. the boba balls definitely make a difference. i think i'll go read my photoshop book now.

what the hell is going on with me? i feel so unproductive, uncreative, and under the weather. help me someone. i haven't exercised in 2 weeks. i've been eating nothing but french fries. all effort to work on my website has come to a halt. so far the only thing going right in my life is school. nerd i am. i feel like doing nothing but staying indoors (but i won't). i feel like hanging out with all the people at my lolo's nursing home. i feel like scrubbing my sunburn off til my old color comes back. i feel like chopping my hair off. i feel like a boba ball. THAT'S IT! i figured out what's bothering me! I NEED BOBA! brb. gotta go to shau may.

i've been getting complaints that i haven't been writing in my weblog lately. bite me and get a life. you asked for it, so here goes:

saturday was joanie and jeff's wedding, which i must say was very simple yet elegant. i held my tears in throughout the ceremony as i wondered if i would ever be that much in love (*sigh*). despite all the emotional turmoil brewing in my head, i had a grip load of fun - but not as much fun as my sister, brother, and tony. was i the only sober one at the reception? so the 4 of us, plus the maid of honor's brother who was sitting on our table, all decided to take over the dance floor and act stupid. and stupid we were, except for me, of course. my brother finally learned how to do the cha cha, tony was a little too drunk and kept picking me up while i was dancing, and my sister... OH MY! she was shakin her ass like crazy! people were pointing and staring at her the whole time. how embarassing. a little too much wine there, girlfriend! not to mention she had sweat dripping down all over her face. yeah, all that at a WEDDING RECEPTION!!! crazy chick.

sunday i went to work and messed around with my coworkers again (as usual... all we do is play). then i went home, got ready to go to the mayan, and ended up waiting in line for 2 HOURS! that was the worst ever! we got there at 10pm and the line went around the corner, and around the next corner, and around the next. it was all good though b/c ellen, dex, kevin, my sis, jen, robyn, and pearl came out to get wasted with all of us. anyway, we finally get in and we find amy, christina, and the irvine crew all fucked up outside. not to mention ben, pam, vince, and stacey were there too! it was like a mini reunion, but not. so bonsai says he's gonna buy us all our drinks for the night and mike (my sister) and i are like "oh, hell the fuck yeah!" hahaha. then the drama started...

okay, so no drama really. hahaha! but i got so messed up that after about an hour or so i end up spending the rest of the night in the restroom yacking my brains out. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, BONSAI !!! threw up on the ride home too, so now the outside of my sister's car matches bonsai's. by the way, who the hell was jen macking out with???

the next morning i check my cell and i see 10 missed messages! ahahaha... people asking if we were heading out to garden cafe, checking up on me b/c i disappeared the rest of the night, people calling the next morning to see if i was still alive. man, i feel the love...

the next day i headed out to work (with a sick stomach) and hooked up kevin with a cool shirt. i was soooooo not wanting to be there, but hey, i got paid time and a half.

and now here i am. had work at 7 in the morning, got out at 10, ran errands, have class at 1, get out at 4, and i'm running on 3 hours of sleep. blah blah blah... i'm tired. lates.