if you read this and take offense to it then you must have a guilty conscience. i don't care. i just need to vent.

i feel like the world is turning against me. everything seems to be spiraling downward. nothing but losses in my life. instead of having the daily will to live, i feel like my life is being sucked out of me - as if everything i've gained was just there as a teaser only to be taken away later on. if this is some sick form of punishment get it over with.

three of the closest friendships i held very close to me are now practically nonexistent. why must there be limitations on friendship? why do i find myself giving 200% only to get being treated like shit in return? how did seeing life differently become my worst enemy?

am i the only one left who values simplicity? people are just so damn selfish nowadays, always wanting MORE, always wanting the best of everything, top of the line. so fucking materialistic. why can't people just be happy with what they have? how did owning expensive possesions become the definition for "happiness"? why do they always want to see if there is something better?

i don't understand how people can be so harsh and mean to me when i've done nothing but be a good friend to them. i've gone out of my way, woken up from phone calls in the middle of the night just to comfort them, spent hundreds of dollars to bail people out when they have no money, put my life on hold just to listen to people vent about their boyfriends/girlfriends when i know it's never gonna last, offer myself and my family as their family since they don't have one, give so much of MY time, open my heart and let them into MY life and share a piece of me only to be treated like an accessory, a settlement, contingency plan, a friend to have when there's no one else to hang out with. and these are people i call "my friends"?

i was raised with "treat others the way you would want to be treated". why aren't people there when i need them? why do people constantly try to put me down when i do nothing but encourage them to achieve their fullest potential? i honestly don't get it. i feel like i'm destined to be alone - no one to share my intimate feelings and thoughts with, no one to share my laughs with, no one to make me happy. each time i inch closer and closer to it, it's snatched away from me.

i give up. i'm done trying. i'm tired of people not respecting my difference in opinion and trying to impose their views thinking that they're always right. i'm tired of being second choice, being a friend to someone b/c they "owe" it to me, tired of having my self-worth be stomped on because of asshole comments just to get a reaction out of me. i'm tired of people not wanting me to be happy, always putting me down like i'm not good enough, constantly criticizing the decisions i make. I DON'T FUCKING DESERVE THIS SHIT. no one does.

it's days like this that make me wish the world would just end tomorrow.